fashionsensexoxo:

do ur boobs ever just like not match your outfit like does that make sense to anyone else

(via chrysanthemn)

daydreamswife:

I just love sleep so much ……. like u just close ur eyes and ur gone bitch ………… brain logged the fuck off ……… powerful

(via hotboyproblems)

girlsfrommars:

thatisrad:

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum. 

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

(via hotboyproblems)

gwingle:

orcgf:

orcgf:

if catholicism/christianity is fake… mary really was in that for the long haul. she pulled the longest con in existence & even got her kid in on it

mary’s friend gabriel who knocked her up: you told joseph i was a what now?

mary, taking a sip of her coffee: an angel, gabe. try to keep up.

joseph: what the hell, you’re pregnant?

mary, about to invent christianity: oh? you haven’t heard?

(via hotboyproblems)

shadymandias:

since twilight is randomly trending i just wanna say that the real reason renesmee tried to kill bella in utero was because she heard her decide to name her fucking renesmee

brucebanners:

i want the words “my tit” engraved on my headstone.

(via bob-belcher)

lalondes:

sweetstardrop:

lalondes:

[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.

you took this from a fault in our stars augustus does the same thing only with a cigarette ok ok

i don’t know what you’re talking about this is an excerpt from my upcoming 100% original novel “the fart in our stalls”

(via hotboyproblems)

showerthoughtsofficial:

‘Kobe’ is for accuracy, ‘Yeet’ is for distance.

(Source: reddit.com, via showerthoughtsofficial)

sarcastic-and-witty-username:

My friends got me the best (and worst) present ever

It’s one of those sequin pillows where you can turn the sequins. And this is how they look like from both sides.

Please someone make it stop.

Nic Cage is haunting me in my dreams now.

I mean, it was a free pillow but AT WHAT COST!!!!

marxistbarbie:

when someone talks about their plans for the future for 5 seconds and i realise everyone around me has a rough idea where their life is going whilst im kind of just floating in the space-time continuum with no discernible goals or ambition

(via bob-belcher)